I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize