i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just want nice things and good sex
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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