This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
