why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
