her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The Olympian is in my bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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