dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
