u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
