apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
