Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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