***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
