I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
tell me about the eggs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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