you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
