I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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