I am puke
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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