these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
