remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
