Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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