whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
