She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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