Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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