I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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