quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize