I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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