Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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