I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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