i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize