Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
