when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
