Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
