...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
