somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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