'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
