He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
