This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize