:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
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