I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
