When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
