I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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