Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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