what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
