glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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