You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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