PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
