I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize