My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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