Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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