I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
