In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
