I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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