Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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