Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
