just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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