my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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