I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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