I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
