you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
