guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
