Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
