The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
