woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
