cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
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