dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
