She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize