I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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