Can Purell be used as lube?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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