ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
