So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
