What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
