I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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