does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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