Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
