If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
