That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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