I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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