I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
