There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
