those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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