he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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