a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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