woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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