Where is the hickey?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
