I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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