if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We need to rekindle our bromance
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
