Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
