somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
