Umm I'm too high to move.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
