I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
