ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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