you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
