Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Couch. On fire.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
