dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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