1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
