Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
