I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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