i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
