bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
