then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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