I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
