I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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