Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
